Losing a co-worker, and life's "what-ifs"

Losing a co-worker is hard, especially if it is unexpected.   The Company Chairman died in late August after being very ill for a few weeks, but then the staff and I were surprised at the loss of Gary, our Treasurer, from a heart attack one bright and sunny October morning.  Not only did we lose an associate at work, but he had no family.  It was his "work family"that made the arrangements for the service, cleaned out his office, and my boss will likely be the executor of his estate.

As we age (gracefully?) together at work (most of us are just a year or two apart) we were immediately and starkly confronted with our own mortality.    I, of course, turned to yoga to remind me that nothing is permanent, and as soon as we think things will not change, we suffer, because of course they always do.  

Here's the rub:  we work, for years, and hopefully we save for an expected retirement, a time to travel or enjoy life with hobbies, volunteer work, friends, and the activities of our choosing without the stress of a career.   But of course we know many who are not on this path....they live from check to check -with very little saved for the future.   Then we hear or know stories of people who grind it out year after year with large retirement funds that they never get to spend because they die young, get cancer, or have a car wreck.  

As we confront these possibilities, we have to make choices......choices that can have an immediate impact on our lives.   Lot's of "what-ifs"  - starting with the very real possibility that none of us will live to retire to that life of "choice"....so what if we enjoy it right now?  This moment is really all we have, there is no future that's real, guaranteed, or even possible at this very moment.      "The Power of Now" by Eckart Tolle is an interesting and thought-provoking discussion (some of it is in question and answer mode) down this very road.   I recommend it to anyone thinking about the future that they might not ever have.

candles....cake........guest book............

Waving to the Man in the Wheelchair and his Dog.

My drive to work takes me on a road we call the "Canal Route".   It's a divided road, three lanes each direction,  with a large concrete drainage system down the middle.   Several walkways cross the highway and on one walkway in particular, I usually see a man in a wheelchair with a blanket on his lap.  Next to his chair sits his dog, still and patient they watch the cars below.     Each morning, I roll my window down and wave to him......and he waves back.     I started waving before he actually saw me a while ago,  I would lean forward and place my hand close to the inside of my windshield.    I guess he couldn't see me so I started rolling down my window part of the way and waving to him from there, and sure enough, he started to wave back.

After the wave exchange, I continue my drive to work and sometimes my thoughts stay with him....who is he?   Does he wish he was on his way to work like the rest of us at that time of the morning, or is he content with his life now, a spectator to the morning rush hour?    Does he still drive at all?

And I sometimes wonder what life will be like "after career", with all the time in the world to take a dog for a morning outing, to watch traffic, to let my gaze rest on the chaos of the swiftly moving cars below me.

On the days that he is not there, I wave at him in my head.   May he be well.  May I be well.   May we meet someday for a handshake, and not just a wave.

The bullet......

Time to retire.....

I have taken a seat to the teachings

Now return to the place where they start

The beauty is all on the inside

An intention, a posture, my art.

A shift in perspective is welcome

I stay quiet and listen again

For to know where it is that I am from

Is to know where I'll be at the end.

I must have missed January......?

Winter has not arrived in Wichita yet this year........January slid by with new yoga students at Linwood and a pretty big group at Edgemoor. People still wearing shorts! Dry though, very dry.

Sold the Bobcat on 1/31/12. 11 years of great times with this one, but it has a very nice family to live with (in Oklahoma) -with kids! Excited, rambunctious, young kids! Never knew we had that much stuff inside until I had to unload it all!

February begins, 55-60 degrees every day, sunshine, light winds, wearing light jackets and sweaters to work and to yoga.